Revive

Revive

 

You’re on your way over to her place. You live about 10 minutes away and you work with her sister. She usually drives you home, so it makes for a convenient excuse to stop by. When you get to her place, her youngest sister is furiously composing a masterpiece on the piano. You go up to Her room to look for her, but it’s empty. No one knows where she is, so you decide to call her cell phone.

 

Ring Ring…

 

You turn around and follow the ringing back into her room. You look to see her phone by her bed. -___-  of course she doesn’t have it on her. After talking to her sister for a few minutes you decide to check the basement. None of the lights are on, but there’s a blob like figure on the couch. It’s her. She’s lying on a mountain of blankets, sleeping peacefully. You sit down in front of the couch and watch her sleep, she’s beautiful. She slowly opens her eyes and smiles. She’s happy to see you.

 

For the last few months you have been playing the question game with her. You ask a question and the other person has to answer honestly, but the question has to be good. The game goes back and forth until someone runs out of questions, that person loses. You start the game back up.

 

The main reason you started playing this game with her was to find out if she had any feeling for you, and to develop a closer relationship. You’ve been trying to hide your feeling for her but recently it’s been near impossible. You’re afraid of what might happen if you tell her. You broke up 2 years ago today, you still remember the day. August 6^th. You’ve never stopped caring about her. After the breakup, things became painfully awkward. It has taken 2 years to overcome that awkwardness. Your relationship with her now is stronger than it ever was before. She’s your best friend, someone you can open up to. Before you met her you kept everything bottled up inside, afraid of being hurt, afraid of reliving your past. But there was something about her, something that calms you. She had a way of lowering your defences and rendering you completely vulnerable, she was the first person to take off the mask you hid behind and show you that the world isn’t as intimidating. She had a way of making it so you didn’t have to worry about having to always defend yourself. For once, someone else was protecting you. She makes you feel secure. Safe.

 

She points to you. Your turn. You don’t know what to ask, you’re running out of questions. You pull out a folder from your bag. Inside there’s a story you wrote. It’s a true story; it’s about a day you and her were hanging out. You ask her if she wants to read it. She says yes.

 

She recognizes the story, it only happened a few months ago. The only difference from the story is that it explains how you feel about her. She giggles hear and there, you can’t help but smile. When she’s done she looks over at you and smiles. I like it.

 

She asks you how long you’ve felt this way.

 

I haven’t stopped.

 

She buries her face in the blanket and moans. She looks up and smiles at you. BUT WHY?

 

It’s not my fault, it’s yours! I can’t help that you make me feel this way.

 

She gives a gentle smile and reaches out and rustles the stubble on your cheek. She looks into your eyes.

 

You stay quite for a few minutes.

 

Are you waiting for me to answer? She asks

 

You tell her you didn’t expect an answer, you only wanted to let her know. She continues to look into your eyes; it’s as if she’s not completely convinced of how you feel. You pull out your folder again; inside you pull out a small stack of letters. It’s every letter she ever wrote to you during your relationship. You hand them to her and tell her you couldn’t bring yourself to get rid of them. They mean more to you than anything else you own.

 

She reaches out to your hand. You open it and she places her small fist in the middle of your palm. You gently wrap your fingers around it. Again nothing is said for several minutes. You can feel your phone vibrate in your pocket. You use your free hand to stop it and ignore the call. You look back at her. Then you hear footsteps coming down the stairs. It’s her Dad. You both release hands simultaneously. You pretend to be looking at music on your laptop. She looks over at you and laughs at your pathetic attempt to divert attention. After he goes back upstairs you ask her how she feels. She tells you she enjoys your company, and that she’s never been able to talk like this to anyone else, and that you make her happy. You can’t help but feel she’s holding back, she seems afraid of something. You reach out and hold her hand again.

 

Your hands are cold. She realizes this and tries to keep them warm. After a few more questions in the game she readjusts her position, she’s now lying on her stomach. You do the same on the floor. You both continue to look into each others eyes.

 

She looks beautiful, you look over her eyes, her cheek, hair, nose, lips, chin…. Ears. Trying to memorize her in case you never see her again. She moves her leg off the couch and her foot gently brushes against the back of your knee. You flinch. It tickles. She notices this and a big smile comes over her face.

 

A WEAK POINT!

 

She jumps up and tries tickling you, you can’t help but laugh. You retaliate. You reach out and tickle her. She recoils and loses her sitting on the couch and falls off onto your chest. You catch her. No one moves. It’s quite now. You’re now lying on your back; she is lying directly on top of you. You wrap your arms around her and lean back. She rests her head on your chest and pulls her arms in closer to you. This is the closest you’ve ever been to her. It’s quiet for a short moment

 

Are you happy right now? She asks

 

You’ve never felt this feeling before. Your body can’t move, you’re paralyzed, but it’s soothing. You’re completely calm; relaxed; your warm. You tell her yes.

 

How do you feel? You ask

 

It feels nice. She closes her eyes and just lays there in your arms.

 

You tighten your embrace gently. You never want this to end, this feeling is… amazing. You can feel her heart beating through your chest. It’s as if your hearts are one. You can feel her soft steady breathing against your shirt. You’re happy once again.

 

Footsteps come rushing down again. She rolls off to one side and you roll over to your laptop to reunite with your lame diversion. This time it’s her older sister. She grabs a bottle of water and takes off back up the steps.

 

She sits up and pulls her feet in closer to her self.. You reach for your folder; inside there’s a letter. You hand it to her; you wrote this letter a few days ago. You try to write out how she makes you feel, this is particularly difficult because no matter what you write down, it will never succumb to what you actually feel.

 

She smiles again. You both sit there trying to figure out what’s expected from this. Neither of you know. You didn’t know what to expect, you just didn’t want to keep it inside and regret not telling her. She leans over against you and you hold her gently. She’s confused. She seems worried about something, but she wont tell. You try to reassure her. You tell her that no matter what happens, you’ll always be there for her. You’re her Wall, someone she can lean to, someone that can support her when things become too difficult for her to take on alone. Someone who will protect her as best as he can.

 

She looks up at you, she tells you you’re going to make her cry.

 

You kindly apologize.

 

What if you get hurt? She asks. There is a short silence.

 

Then it was worth it. You reply. But what if I don’t get hurt?

 

She doesn’t reply. Do you think there’s anyone else out there?

 

I don’t know. I don’t want to waste my time searching for someone else to find out it wasn’t worth it. I care about you.

 

You both sit there and talk for a few minutes. You realize its been almost 3 hours. She hints that maybe you should head home, you have work in the morning. It seems like she has a lot to think about now.

 

You get up and pack your bag. She walks you to the door, you say your goodbyes. As you turn to walk outside she follows. She says she’s going to pick some grass for her bunny. She seems to be making up excuses to prolong your leave. You smile. When she finally decides she has enough grass to bring back to Bun she turns to you and says goodnight. You move in and hug her goodbye for the last time tonight. She turns away and heads back to her door. You turn and head home.

 

I realize now that I value the way we are now more than anything. I don’t know what to expect to change from being in a relationship, I just want to be closer to you, I want to be someone important in your life, someone you can trust, depend on, care about, and open up to. I want to be a part of your life in some way. I care about you with all of my heart. I’ll always be here for you.