Starry Sky

Starry Sky

She came over again. She’s been coming over a lot lately; it seems like you two have gotten closer. You end up cuddling with he again, lost in the mass of blankets, rolling around till the sheets come undone and your bed is a complete mess. You hold her in your arms and rest your head upon her shoulders. Your light breathing tickles her neck. You take advantage of this weakness. She turns and strikes back; you are ticklish too. You end up rolling around, nearly falling off the bed until you are on top of her. She smiles and looks up at you. You fall silent. The moment is perfect, like something out of a romance novel or something. You want to kiss her but your mind tells you not to. You both agreed on leaving things how they were for now, you don’t want to complicate things. She turns her head and rolls over. The moment has passed.

You hear a call from upstairs. Dinner is ready. You go up together and sit down to enjoy Aunties amazing cooking. When your plates are cleared you clean up the dishes and head back down to your room.

You lose yourselves in the sea of blankets once more. You can’t help but think something’s been bothering her. She’s been quiet lately, but no matter mow many times you ask, she just won’t tell you. She tries to assure you she’s fine, but you don’t believe her. She tells you she should head home, it’s getting late. You pick her up and tell her you’ll never let her go. You spin her around until you get dizzy and fall to the floor. You both sit up and look at each other. You want to do something. Something that will make her feel better, something that will take her mind off whatever’s bothering her. You find yourself kissing her, as if your body moved on its own. The kiss was short, but time seemed to cease during that brief moment. You hug her. Within the next 5 seconds, her phone rings. It’s her mom. She has to go home. You tell her you’ll walk her home. She gathers her stuff; nothing is said. As you make it outside she turns and hits you hard in the shoulder several times.

“We weren’t supposed to change anything”.

You continue walking. She hasn’t kissed anyone before. Neither have you. You are curious though as to how it was, so you ask her. She turns to you and asks, very sarcastically, “What? Want to try again?”

You stop and look at her, She leans in to you and you kiss her again. This time you have complete control of your body. Right after your lips leave hers she leans in, places her hands on your chest and shoulder, and kisses you again. She smiles, “I like that one better”.

You continue walking. Kissing is weird, she says. You laugh.

As you make it to her driveway you hold her gently like you always do. Then you lean in and kiss her good night, like you always wanted to. You hope that whatever has been bothering her, has become less troublesome. You watch her head inside and you turn and walk home looking into the star filled sky. The stars are brighter tonight.

Lake Side

            Lake Side

 

You reach for the phone and dial those 10 familiar digits and listen to the endless ringing from the receiver. Her mom picks up; you ask to speak to her daughter. The phone goes silent. You wait anxiously. You can hear footsteps in the distance, then a soft familiar voice; it’s her. You stumble for words. It’s nice outside, Care to join me for a walk? She accepts. She tells you she’ll meet you half way, in front of the lake; then the receiver goes silent. You clean yourself up a bit, change clothes, wash your face and head out the door.

 

You follow the curved road you’ve travelled many times on your ventures to her place. It’s about a 15 minute walk; you pass the elementary school filled with young spirited youth enjoying the last stretch of summer before school starts up again. As you follow the road you make your way to the front of the lake, you can see the sky’s reflection on its mirrored surface. You continue walking to see a familiar silhouette up ahead. You tilt your head, she mimics. You tilt in the opposite direction and she copies. You laugh. You both begin your walk around the lake.

 

The lake is beautiful, the sky is blue with little clouds and the sun shimmers across the surface reflecting across its surroundings. You walk out into the field behind the lake and walk up a small hill. She sits down at the top. You find your spot beside her. Things have barely become clearer since you confessed your feelings to her, she’s still trying to figure out what’s expected of this.  She leans into you and rests her head against you. This is where things get cleared up.

 

You tell her don’t want to rush anything. She tells you she needs to figure out what she wants, she likes how things are now. She doesn’t expect anything to happen anytime soon. You tell her you can wait, you just want to be someone important in her life, someone special to her. She assures you that you already are. This makes you smile. You help her understand your view on relationships. You aren’t looking for the typical relationship profile that everyone else follows. You tell her you don’t really know what you’re doing, and neither does she, you tell her to just go at our own speed and do what feels right. Off to your right, in the corner of your eye you’re interrupted by a woman and her dog. The dog is pooing  -______-

 

You realize that the temperature has dropped slightly, it’s chilly now. You wish you brought your larger hoodie. All you have is your hooded  vest. It will have to do. You take it off and wrap it around her arms, then you wrap your arms around her. You seem to be finding a lot of excuses to hold her lately, but she doesn’t mind. You decide to head back to your place.

 

You wrote another note. Hopefully this note will let her understand a little more about where you are and that you understand where she stands. As she reads through the letter you’re interrupted by your ringing phone. It’s her sister. You didn’t realize it was so late. You tell her sister you’re going to walk her home. You grab a sweater and hand it to her, it’s chilly out. She accepts. You put one on too.

 

As you walk down the dark street you can see the moon in the sky, it’s a nice orange. As you near the halfway point she tells you she never walks outside at night, it’s nice. You jokingly hint that this would be the first time she’s ever moonlit walked outside by the lake. With a boy. She laughs. You cross the road towards the lake. You wrap one arm around her and tell her that no matter what happens, you’ll always be there for her, no matter what. She hold onto your arm. As you walk along the sidewalk she gently leans in and changes course. You begin heading towards the lake side, she hints that you’re going the wrong way. You smile. You both stop in front of the lake and admire its beauty. The moons reflection shimmers across the lakes tiny ripples. Its nice. You both stand there for a moment, then she turns to head back up to the street. You reach out and pull her back in towards you. You just hold her gently. This is your first moonlit walk by the lake, and it’s perfect now.

 

You both begin your ascend back up to the lamp lit streets, this time hand in hand. You know this will probably cause her some unrest and confusion, considering you both agreed to remain close friends for now. But the moment was just right, you hope she agrees. You continue your walk all the way to her driveway. She turns and embraces you. This is where you wish you weren’t so darn tall. But she wraps her arms around your neck, and you, her waist. You missed this. She releases and hands you back your sweater. Goodnight. You watch her till she’s safe behind the confines of her home. You turn and walk home. This time you retrace your moonlit walk with her, until you’re back where it started.

Revive

Revive

 

You’re on your way over to her place. You live about 10 minutes away and you work with her sister. She usually drives you home, so it makes for a convenient excuse to stop by. When you get to her place, her youngest sister is furiously composing a masterpiece on the piano. You go up to Her room to look for her, but it’s empty. No one knows where she is, so you decide to call her cell phone.

 

Ring Ring…

 

You turn around and follow the ringing back into her room. You look to see her phone by her bed. -___-  of course she doesn’t have it on her. After talking to her sister for a few minutes you decide to check the basement. None of the lights are on, but there’s a blob like figure on the couch. It’s her. She’s lying on a mountain of blankets, sleeping peacefully. You sit down in front of the couch and watch her sleep, she’s beautiful. She slowly opens her eyes and smiles. She’s happy to see you.

 

For the last few months you have been playing the question game with her. You ask a question and the other person has to answer honestly, but the question has to be good. The game goes back and forth until someone runs out of questions, that person loses. You start the game back up.

 

The main reason you started playing this game with her was to find out if she had any feeling for you, and to develop a closer relationship. You’ve been trying to hide your feeling for her but recently it’s been near impossible. You’re afraid of what might happen if you tell her. You broke up 2 years ago today, you still remember the day. August 6^th. You’ve never stopped caring about her. After the breakup, things became painfully awkward. It has taken 2 years to overcome that awkwardness. Your relationship with her now is stronger than it ever was before. She’s your best friend, someone you can open up to. Before you met her you kept everything bottled up inside, afraid of being hurt, afraid of reliving your past. But there was something about her, something that calms you. She had a way of lowering your defences and rendering you completely vulnerable, she was the first person to take off the mask you hid behind and show you that the world isn’t as intimidating. She had a way of making it so you didn’t have to worry about having to always defend yourself. For once, someone else was protecting you. She makes you feel secure. Safe.

 

She points to you. Your turn. You don’t know what to ask, you’re running out of questions. You pull out a folder from your bag. Inside there’s a story you wrote. It’s a true story; it’s about a day you and her were hanging out. You ask her if she wants to read it. She says yes.

 

She recognizes the story, it only happened a few months ago. The only difference from the story is that it explains how you feel about her. She giggles hear and there, you can’t help but smile. When she’s done she looks over at you and smiles. I like it.

 

She asks you how long you’ve felt this way.

 

I haven’t stopped.

 

She buries her face in the blanket and moans. She looks up and smiles at you. BUT WHY?

 

It’s not my fault, it’s yours! I can’t help that you make me feel this way.

 

She gives a gentle smile and reaches out and rustles the stubble on your cheek. She looks into your eyes.

 

You stay quite for a few minutes.

 

Are you waiting for me to answer? She asks

 

You tell her you didn’t expect an answer, you only wanted to let her know. She continues to look into your eyes; it’s as if she’s not completely convinced of how you feel. You pull out your folder again; inside you pull out a small stack of letters. It’s every letter she ever wrote to you during your relationship. You hand them to her and tell her you couldn’t bring yourself to get rid of them. They mean more to you than anything else you own.

 

She reaches out to your hand. You open it and she places her small fist in the middle of your palm. You gently wrap your fingers around it. Again nothing is said for several minutes. You can feel your phone vibrate in your pocket. You use your free hand to stop it and ignore the call. You look back at her. Then you hear footsteps coming down the stairs. It’s her Dad. You both release hands simultaneously. You pretend to be looking at music on your laptop. She looks over at you and laughs at your pathetic attempt to divert attention. After he goes back upstairs you ask her how she feels. She tells you she enjoys your company, and that she’s never been able to talk like this to anyone else, and that you make her happy. You can’t help but feel she’s holding back, she seems afraid of something. You reach out and hold her hand again.

 

Your hands are cold. She realizes this and tries to keep them warm. After a few more questions in the game she readjusts her position, she’s now lying on her stomach. You do the same on the floor. You both continue to look into each others eyes.

 

She looks beautiful, you look over her eyes, her cheek, hair, nose, lips, chin…. Ears. Trying to memorize her in case you never see her again. She moves her leg off the couch and her foot gently brushes against the back of your knee. You flinch. It tickles. She notices this and a big smile comes over her face.

 

A WEAK POINT!

 

She jumps up and tries tickling you, you can’t help but laugh. You retaliate. You reach out and tickle her. She recoils and loses her sitting on the couch and falls off onto your chest. You catch her. No one moves. It’s quite now. You’re now lying on your back; she is lying directly on top of you. You wrap your arms around her and lean back. She rests her head on your chest and pulls her arms in closer to you. This is the closest you’ve ever been to her. It’s quiet for a short moment

 

Are you happy right now? She asks

 

You’ve never felt this feeling before. Your body can’t move, you’re paralyzed, but it’s soothing. You’re completely calm; relaxed; your warm. You tell her yes.

 

How do you feel? You ask

 

It feels nice. She closes her eyes and just lays there in your arms.

 

You tighten your embrace gently. You never want this to end, this feeling is… amazing. You can feel her heart beating through your chest. It’s as if your hearts are one. You can feel her soft steady breathing against your shirt. You’re happy once again.

 

Footsteps come rushing down again. She rolls off to one side and you roll over to your laptop to reunite with your lame diversion. This time it’s her older sister. She grabs a bottle of water and takes off back up the steps.

 

She sits up and pulls her feet in closer to her self.. You reach for your folder; inside there’s a letter. You hand it to her; you wrote this letter a few days ago. You try to write out how she makes you feel, this is particularly difficult because no matter what you write down, it will never succumb to what you actually feel.

 

She smiles again. You both sit there trying to figure out what’s expected from this. Neither of you know. You didn’t know what to expect, you just didn’t want to keep it inside and regret not telling her. She leans over against you and you hold her gently. She’s confused. She seems worried about something, but she wont tell. You try to reassure her. You tell her that no matter what happens, you’ll always be there for her. You’re her Wall, someone she can lean to, someone that can support her when things become too difficult for her to take on alone. Someone who will protect her as best as he can.

 

She looks up at you, she tells you you’re going to make her cry.

 

You kindly apologize.

 

What if you get hurt? She asks. There is a short silence.

 

Then it was worth it. You reply. But what if I don’t get hurt?

 

She doesn’t reply. Do you think there’s anyone else out there?

 

I don’t know. I don’t want to waste my time searching for someone else to find out it wasn’t worth it. I care about you.

 

You both sit there and talk for a few minutes. You realize its been almost 3 hours. She hints that maybe you should head home, you have work in the morning. It seems like she has a lot to think about now.

 

You get up and pack your bag. She walks you to the door, you say your goodbyes. As you turn to walk outside she follows. She says she’s going to pick some grass for her bunny. She seems to be making up excuses to prolong your leave. You smile. When she finally decides she has enough grass to bring back to Bun she turns to you and says goodnight. You move in and hug her goodbye for the last time tonight. She turns away and heads back to her door. You turn and head home.

 

I realize now that I value the way we are now more than anything. I don’t know what to expect to change from being in a relationship, I just want to be closer to you, I want to be someone important in your life, someone you can trust, depend on, care about, and open up to. I want to be a part of your life in some way. I care about you with all of my heart. I’ll always be here for you.

 

 

A Familiar Feeling

A Familiar Feeling

 

You just sit down to play some video games with your brother when your phone rings. It’s her. She just finished her class and is on her way over, but she doesn’t know how to get to your place. You tell her you’ll meet her at the train station.

            You get up, apologize to your brother and put on your shoes. Outside the sun is bright, but it’s still slightly chilly due to the wind. You think about turning back to grab your jacket. Not for you, but for her in case she gets cold. As you walk toward the train station you notice a bright yellow car in the parking lot nearby. You make your way into the station and sit down. You wait a few minutes, and then the intercom informs you of the oncoming train. As it drives by you scan the train cars. They come in too fast you don’t see her. The train doors open up and everyone comes out. You see her looking around a few train cars away. You wave her over and make your way outside again. As you walk side-by-side back towards your place you talk about the weather and school, then you pass that familiar yellow car.

PUNCH-BUGGY!

You turn and whack her gently. She jokingly threatens to kill you and you laugh.  You finally make it back into your apartment and show her around. Your brother is now playing games by himself in the living room. She wants to see the view from your balcony so you make your way onto the small ledge of terrace attached to your building. The trees are a bright green and the sun enhances the view. She likes it. You lean against the railing and overlook the citizens below. You pretend to squish them as if they are ants; she looks at you like a weirdo but joins in. She is a weirdo too. You both stop and just enjoy the view. You look over at her; you haven’t been able to get her off your mind lately. It’s been just about two years since your relationship with her ended.

She turns her head slightly and your eyes meet. Nothing is said, it’s quiet. Time seems to slow down drastically. You can hear your heartbeat, and for that moment all your worries and problems seem non-existent. Time reverses now and for that split second a familiar feeling rushes over you.

BOOM YOU DEAD! Your brother yells at the T.V. from within the den of the living room.

You both laugh and you snap back to reality.  You go to your kitchen and pull out some cereal cause you’re hungry. She wants some too so you pour two bowls. She eats hers dry, no milk. You go back to your room and sit on your bed. After talking for a while she stops you in mid sentence and blankly calls you a hobo. Your expression now changes to perplexed. She motions to your unshaven face. You sigh then agree to go shave. Her expression now changes to excitement.

CAN I WATCH!

You’re stunned. You hesitantly agree.  Once you apply the shaving cream to your face she begins to laugh uncontrollably. You realize that holding a razor so close to your face while laughing is a dangerous thing. She goes back into your room and lets you shave. When you’re done you go back to your room and see her lying peacefully on your bed, eyes closed, and beautiful. You can’t take your eyes off her. You lay down next to her. She opens her eyes and you look at each other, you tell her you cut yourself shaving and she laughs. You can just sense the concern in her voice. Your phone rings. It’s your friend; he is almost at your place to pick you guys up. You tell him you’ll meet him up the street. You both make your way outside. As you walk down the street you feel as though she is inching closer to you. Your eyes meet again, that familiar feeling comes back again. Your hand slowly inches towards hers. This feeling now stronger than ever. Your hand now only seconds from touching. You’re certain now, this feeling truly is….

PUNCH-BUGGY!

She turns and slugs you hard in the shoulder. You stand there dazed, confused, and somewhat amazed. You both laugh and continue to make your way to your friends car.

A new beginning

The world, now unrecognizable, hidden beneath a blanket of snow. Wind blowing it in every which direction, making it difficult to even see your hand extended out in front of yourself. Walking in this new world of ice you carry two warm hot chocolates. The heat spreads over your hands making them the only part of your body to still have feeling. You make it to the mile stone of your journey, a building. Once inside warmth is your new best friend. But you cant stop to enjoy this newly defined sensation, your journey is not yet over. One of those hot chocolates has not made it into the hands of a certain individual. You quickly scan the room. In the corner, a couple, studying for an approaching exam. Down the hall in front of yourself is a group of high spirited students. Alas, to your right approximately fifteen meters away, with her back towards you and her head down overlooking a very intimidating text book, is the recipient of that oh so delicious and, well slightly cooling, large hot chocolate with whipped cream. You make your approach.

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Your mind filled with facts, numbers, dates, and formulas. Not enough time to memorise all of them. This constant studying and note taking is starting to make your head ache. You need a break. Luckily fate is about to intervene. While in mid paragraph of the oh so interesting, Communication and writings text, you are most inconveniently interrupted by the descending cup of hot chocolate that is being placed directly in front of you. You look at it, then look up to see a familiar face. It’s your friend. You smile and graciously accept his offer of hot chocolate. You lift the lid and gaze with sudden discontent.

WHERE ARE THE MARSHMALLOWS?

You somehow manage to bring yourself to drink the marshmallow-less hot chocolate, and realize, this break from constant memorization and problem solving seems to have relieve your discomforting head ach. Your friend has now pulled out some of his books and begins reading, because unlike you, he was NOT studying all day, he was out BRINGING you the delicious hot chocolate that now satisfies your taste buds with chocolatey goodness. So he needs to catch up for lost time.

There’s something about him that draws your attention. Maybe it’s the lighting or the angle, but something about him has you intrigued, you manage to pull out your sketchpad and begin drawing, because, you HAVE to capture this moment. He gazes over at you and you pretend to be writing notes. You place your sketchpad down and readjust your position. Your feet now on your chair, your knees about chest level. You reach out and grab your hot chocolate. The building is slightly cool and your fingers are getting cold; but luckily your friend brought you some hot chocolate, which has more than one purpose surprisingly; It is also a hand warmer. So with both of your hands wrapped around your hand warming hot chocolate you take a small sip and continue to look over at your friend. You pick up your sketchpad and continue drawing.

You are now near completion when your friend begins putting his belongings back into his bag. He looks up at you and smiles. He knows you were drawing him. He asks to see it, but you refuse to admit that that’s what you were doing. He smiles again and places a sheet of paper in front of you then walks away. You watch as he walks out the door before turning the paper over. It’s a drawing of you. Your hands holding your hot chocolate, your knees close against your chest and your scarf nuzzled around your neck. In the corner of the drawing, a message.

Sorry about the marshmallows =P